Literally, ON THE ROAD TO VELADA, Rosanna's Story

BATCH 82: Marivic Hebron, Vina Francisco (in sakitpeet), Anne Robicheau, Rosanna Henares (in hapipeet), Tinette Bartolome, Chona San Gabriel, Jenny Coronel


This is so hilarious, I thought it would be a sin not to share. Thank you to Rosanna for bravely and gamely sharing with us! First posted on Batch 82's yahoo group. Reproduced here verbatim, except that two emails were put together.

CAST OF CHARACTERS: all from Batch 82: Rosanna Henares, Marivic Hebron, Tinette Bartolome, Anne Robicheau.

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First Post
Marivic Hebron came to pick me up that fateful morning. I offered to meet her outside my gate but she insisted on coming in. She then went straight to my bedroom and threw Tinette's daughter's uniform on my bed and ordered me to put them on. I reasoned that I was not psychologically prepared to wear those plaids -- I was no longer a virgin, I have dirty thoughts -- I am just not good enough! The bitch saw right through me and said, "That's Natalie's fat uniform, don't worry you'll fit into it!" And so I did.

I walked out of my bedroom and Nanay Ating, my yaya since birth saw me. Her eyes lit up nostalgically for I was a girl once more -- that is, until Uno and Vigo rushed out to grab my legs.

So, off we go to San Lo with Marivic driving. While behind the wheel, she puts on eyeliner and makeup and I let that pass. But when she attempted to curl her lashes I screamed, "My sons are 4 and 2 years old, they need a mother. Stop this frigging car!" She laughs and picks up her phone instead. She's talking to Anne Robicheau at the intersection of Ayala and EDSA and is totally oblivious to the fact that I am signalling her to veer toward the left. She drives onto the Bus Lane. Two cops stop us. The burly one asks for her license. She laughs nervously and whispers, "I have no f--king idea where my license is." She tries to intimidate the police with her American accent and says, "What do you expect me to do? If I swerved to the left we would have gotten into an accident." I pinch her and say with the sweetest voice possible, "Mamang Pulis, kami po ang nagkasala. Patawad na po. Ngayon lang nangyari sa amin ito, pakawalan mo na kami." All this time, we are looking frantically for Marivic's license! Best of all we hear the burly one talking over the radio saying, "Pare, may nahuli kaming 2 estudyante, walang lisensiya!"

In the midst of all this, I am in dire need to blame someone so I call Anne Marie to get mad at her for calling Marivic who was driving. She calmly says, "Excuse me, SHE called ME. Rosanna, were you caught by a cop? Just give him 500 bucks." And I guess I'm not a friend because my thought balloon was -- I'll just visit Marivic in jail but we're NOT going to give corruption money!

Well, after 20 long minutes, she finds the license and gives it to the burly one. He calculates with his fingers -- 1965, 1975, 1985, 1995 ---- "Ma'am, 41 na kayo???" Needless to say .... we got away scot free.


2nd post - a few days later..
Dear Udit, Cindy, Vina, Agnes and whoever else enjoyed that story ---
I have a confession to make. That was not the end of it. I was just too tired to write to the end.

Continuation ---
"Talaga? 41 na kayo?", says the wide-eyed burly policeman. Clearly (or hopefully) he meant both Marivic and I, although he was on Marivic's side. So, being the kulang-sa-pansin that I am, I bent over in order to better hear the compliment. He just had to repeat it, I thought, in order for my mind to better replay it again and again. So I said "Talaga mamang pulis, mukhang estudyante pa kami?" And he said, "Oo, ikaw ba ang ate niya?"

I hate Marivic.

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Sa totoo lang Rosanna, you don't look like anybody's ate. Nice to see you in the audience. I hope to be part of yours next year!